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xlord

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xlord
  • Town/Country : Behind you, when you sleep at night
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 1 January 1994 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 6417
  • Number of comments : 475
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About xlord : I have travelled the world and spent millions of dollars to discover how to make the best rated FML comments. The secret is to create 173 accounts.

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xlord's favorite FMLs

Today, my face got intimate with several plywood boards, and I suffered lacerations and bruising. I told my friends I got the wounds from taking a few guys down in a bar fight. Now they're dragging me out into a rough part of town to give them "muscle" while they try to score some crack. FML

#19787973
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6092) - you deserved it (36939)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:59pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

#19776975
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38452) - you deserved it (3667)

On 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm - misc - by creeped out - United States (New York)

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

#19754220
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10206) - you deserved it (32029)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:58am - work - by WaffleMan (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I texted my friend and asked her what her sad status on Facebook was about. She texted me back saying her step-mother had passed away. I tried to reply with "awwh" but my phone autocorrected it to "ahaha." FML

#19687154
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28763) - you deserved it (6625)

On 05/27/2012 at 3:19am - misc - by iPhonekid - United States (Texas)

Today, I was discharged from the hospital after having scrotal surgery. When I got home, the anesthetic had worn off, but I felt okay. Then my dog jumped up at me, paws slamming straight into my nuts. FML

#19667895
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21433) - you deserved it (1877)

On 05/23/2012 at 2:47pm - health - by shanxi (man) - United States

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

#19660967
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6113) - you deserved it (29696)

On 05/22/2012 at 3:34am - misc - by gaga - United States (California)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24329) - you deserved it (2760)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24329) - you deserved it (2760)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML

#19646260
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34775) - you deserved it (4742)

On 05/19/2012 at 11:08am - intimacy - by maggierose171 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

#19635267
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15660) - you deserved it (3717)

On 05/17/2012 at 12:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out the hard way that it is possible to sunburn the soles of your feet. FML

#19628540
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14069) - you deserved it (3973)

On 05/15/2012 at 6:39pm - health - by Leadamp (man) -

Today, I found out that a family member found a publisher for his book; his badly written, terribly sourced, historically inaccurate book that insults and misrepresents most world cultures and religions. If this actually makes it to print, I'll never be able to use my maiden name again. FML

#19620851
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15259) - you deserved it (1284)

On 05/14/2012 at 3:37am - misc - by AmatureLitCritic - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend of two years logged into my Facebook account and broke up with himself. He is now receiving loads of sympathy, while I'm being accused of lying about it to save my reputation. FML

#19617909
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21526) - you deserved it (1853)

On 05/13/2012 at 5:26pm - love - by soso (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML

#19615151
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6771) - you deserved it (37047)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:26am - work - by fired - United States (Oregon)

Today, while sitting at a red light, I guiltily nibbled on a chocolate bar and looked around to make sure no one saw me cheating on my diet.  A police car pulled up, I panicked, stepped on the gas, and ran the light. FML

#19609899
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7989) - you deserved it (45570)

On 05/12/2012 at 12:27am - misc - by Snickers (woman) - United States (California)



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