About xivoricbutterfly : Seid ihr das Essen?
Nein, wir sind der Jäger!
I'm Sarah Hello I like to dance around seductively while eating a onions its my mating call. Dont question my weirdness embrass it.
Favorite TV shows: Attack on titans fo life son.Greys anatomy, Super fun night, Drop dead diva, Legend of Korra, Avatar the last air bender. Orange is the new black
Internet fights never win. The Perks of being a Wallflower best movie ever seriously though like Patrick is the shit his boyfriend was a dick. Im a street cred person fool...Ill beat you up unless you got the ice creams seriously ill love you forever. TEEN WOLF TEEN WOLF TEEN WOLF! The Duff was pretty good
Black butler. Best series of all time. Oh Bassy How terrifying (*.*) the third season of Black butler was awesome..Death note is bomb *Steven Universe*
I got a big bick. You read that wrong. The awkward when you read moment after awkward. Chat me up anytime I dont bite unless you want me to ;). My pretend boyfriend is calling bye.
About xivoricbutterfly : Seid ihr das Essen?
xivoricbutterfly's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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xivoricbutterfly's favorite FMLs
Today, even though my boyfriend knew that I was a devout catholic before he asked me on a date, he's pissed that I keep refusing to have sex. Apparently, he thought I was just playing hard to get and that I would eventually drop my panties like all the other slutty "religious" girls he claims to have fucked. FML
by Bethany / 05/20/2016 at 3:31pm / Germany / Intimacy
Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML
by Kakapo4Ever / 05/20/2016 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Animals
by centaursTesticle / 05/18/2016 at 8:34am / United States / Work
by NickySimpson / 04/29/2016 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, I got pulled over by the cops for swerving a lot while driving. I tried to explain that my dog bit the back of my neck, but as soon as I opened my door to show him the bite marks and the dog, it ran out of the car. I still can't find him. FML
by anon / 04/26/2016 at 8:11pm / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I thought that working as a lifeguard I would be saving lives, rescuing people and things along those lines. What do I get told to do on my first shift? Clean all the fecal matter and hair out the pool. I almost threw up. FML
by TheLifguard95 / 04/26/2016 at 7:49pm / United Kingdom / Work
by CANTTAKEMORE / 04/26/2016 at 6:24pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work
Today, my mother showed me a picture of a dog in need of a home. Excitedly, I asked if we were getting it, having wanted one for a few months now. She said, 'No. I'm not even sure why I showed you." FML
by AnnaMuffin / 04/26/2016 at 6:08pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Animals
by Fuck's sake! / 04/24/2016 at 9:34pm / Singapore / Work
by Why / 04/24/2016 at 2:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife is treating me like I'm the devil, all because I refused to go on medication that'll kill my sex drive, just so she won't have to deal with me actually wanting to make love more than once a year. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2016 at 8:46am / Switzerland (Graubunden) / Intimacy
Today, I found out my psycho ex also reads FML. She called me at work, pissed that I'd "publicly humiliated" her on here. I haven't posted about her at all. I'm sure the brick I found thrown through my window a few hours later has nothing to do with her, though. FML
by just die already / 04/24/2016 at 5:55am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, my new upstairs neighbors moved in. Within ten minutes of getting in the door they were screaming and arguing about everything, practically handing out death threats to each other. I then heard them having even louder makeup sex for about three hours afterwards. FML
by 12MONTHLEASE / 04/21/2016 at 8:30pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend, when his doorbell rang. He said it was his friend and that he'd be back soon. He shut off his video feed but forgot to mute his audio. A few minutes later, I heard him and some orgasm-faking girl getting it on in the background. FML
by Anonymous / 04/21/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (California) / Love
by BenFiggy / 04/21/2016 at 9:28am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids