xenomorph

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xenomorph

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 8 December 1992 (23 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3760
  • Number of comments : 175
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About xenomorph : Oh, no! You have walked into the slavering fangs of a lurking grue!

xenomorph's page activity

Visits<b>novabg</b> - the 09/08/2016 at 12:53pm<b>fuckme_328385</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 4:20pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 10:35pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 10:02pm<b>XmasaX</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 3:47pm<b>Droffir</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 2:28am<b>CitricAcid</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 6:52pm<b>bingo__O</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 12:09am<b>Blackhawk706</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 7:31pm<b>cryssycakesx3</b> - the 04/30/2014 at 4:33am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 5:08pm<b>ChiaIsCool</b> - the 05/06/2013 at 2:25am<b>samsummers97</b> - the 04/04/2013 at 1:50pm<b>skehar</b> - the 01/20/2013 at 8:38pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:24pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 2:58am<b>Some_person_here</b> - the 01/23/2011 at 9:08pm<b>RR05</b> - the 01/06/2010 at 6:02pm

Fucked!<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 4:36am

xenomorph's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

xenomorph's favorite FMLs

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 2:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 2:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2010 at 2:26pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. 9 hours later, I found my extra key. FML

by Dani / 01/12/2010 at 4:51pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Transportation

Today, I had a rare phone call from my ex-girlfriend. We ended up talking for hours about old times. It was the best conversation we have had in forever, it made me miss her and miss us. Later on in the day, she called back asking what we talked about. She was too high too remember. FML

by CP19JK12KH / 01/03/2010 at 4:56am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

by mannnnn2717 / 12/20/2009 at 5:41pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

by swedishdude / 11/14/2009 at 8:37am / Sweden (Skane Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, there were some wasps getting in my bedroom from a hole in the frame of my window. I went outside with some spray and took out their entrance. What I didnt know is that when you spray wasps, they go the other direction. I now have 60+ wasps flying around my bedroom. FML

by BearGrillz / 08/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML

by ahhahaha / 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm / United States (New Mexico) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I broke my mother's Tiffany lamp from the 1920's. Practically crying, I raced onto the computer to try to find one to order before she comes back in three weeks. The lamp is worth over twelve thousand dollars, and the only way I'm getting one is if I lived 90 years ago. FML

by someexplanationrequired / 08/03/2009 at 1:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the weather was nice so I decided to eat outside. I quickly found out that my new, expensive hair conditioner attracts bees. Lots of bees. FML

by Stung / 06/19/2009 at 12:32am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I had to give a presentation about Adolf Hitler. I wanted to point out he was a very good speaker, and could incite a crowd. Instead, what came out was 'Hitler's oral skills made everyone go wild with excitement" FML

by Cail / 06/01/2009 at 7:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

by Manatee / 05/11/2009 at 11:14am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML

by Ian / 04/18/2009 at 10:24am / United States (Ohio) / Health