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xanoniempje

Offline (the 03/11/2015 at 2:08pm) | Search for a member

xanoniempje

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 179
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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xanoniempje's page activity

Visits<b>figgity83</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 7:55pm<b>Taylor22294</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 5:10pm<b>mpkpm</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 7:27pm<b>Gremlinek</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 11:20am

xanoniempje's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of xanoniempje's badges

xanoniempje's favorite FMLs

Today, my little sister was using my phone to play games. About an hour later, she came to me and said my phone wouldn't work. Turns out my phone had gotten hot and she put it in water to cool it down. FML

#21247999
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39602) - you deserved it (4885)

On 08/29/2014 at 5:22pm - kids - by Quincy_Ethan - United States (Texas)

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

#21246644
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36649) - you deserved it (6881)

On 08/27/2014 at 7:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39195) - you deserved it (38121)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I got out the shower, my mom walked in to give me a towel, then quickly covered her eyes and said, "Woah, I almost saw your penis. Good things it's ridiculously small." I had friends over, and I'm pretty sure I'll hear about this for at least the next month. FML

Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML

#21244302
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38066) - you deserved it (5051)

On 08/24/2014 at 8:40am - animals - by abusedparrot - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to drop off my library book. I thought I'd dropped in into the library book drop, but I'd accidentally put it in the post office mail box. To get the book back, I had to explain this incident five times to three librarians, a mailman, and my sister who called me ridiculous. FML

Today, I ran into a good friend at work. I work at a jail. She doesn't. FML

#21211411
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51569) - you deserved it (4221)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:51pm - misc - by Is that..? - United States (Colorado)

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

#21207511
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44108) - you deserved it (14787)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43294) - you deserved it (18122)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my shoes were rubbing against my heel so much that one heel started to bleed. Not having any plasters, I stuffed some tissue down my shoe. When I walked off the train, a wad of blood-stained tissue fell out the back of my shoe. The guy behind me didn't think it came from my shoe. FML

#21196551
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42109) - you deserved it (5102)

On 07/02/2014 at 7:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Harrow)

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46473) - you deserved it (6649)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, as I was using the public restroom in the mall, someone decided to slam the stall door next to mine. This resulted in my stall door opening while I was still on the toilet. The door was too far for me to reach. FML

#21155744
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44716) - you deserved it (4437)

On 05/29/2014 at 10:14am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

#21153463
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48562) - you deserved it (6402)

On 05/27/2014 at 2:47pm - misc - by N O - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I came down with diarrhea thanks to a particularly low-class restaurant. My dad has been making constant stupid puns like "pretty shitty state you're in" and "this day and age, you just don't expect this crap". I'm at the point where I want to gouge his eyes out with a goddamn spoon. FML

#21153372
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41404) - you deserved it (7167)

On 05/27/2014 at 1:04pm - health - by fuckmuppet (man) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

#21137630
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52833) - you deserved it (5185)

On 05/12/2014 at 10:38am - misc - by Lookalike (woman) - United States (West Virginia)



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