xZombieCandyx

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xZombieCandyx

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Monday 8 October 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 308
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About xZombieCandyx : Destroy all that which is evil so that which is good may flourish. In nomine patre, et fili, et spiritus sancti.

xZombieCandyx's page activity

Visits<b>tea_brewer</b> - the 10/02/2013 at 4:51am<b>joea21</b> - the 10/02/2013 at 1:36am<b>MrE187</b> - the 07/27/2013 at 2:25pm<b>dt1990</b> - the 06/24/2013 at 10:41pm<b>Claytonioo</b> - the 06/12/2013 at 11:14pm<b>kyle2lamb</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 9:56pm<b>dashb02</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 6:19am<b>f36k</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 1:57am<b>WizardofWaxinAss</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 12:31am<b>gary3768</b> - the 06/09/2013 at 12:03am

xZombieCandyx's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of xZombieCandyx's badges

xZombieCandyx's favorite FMLs

Today, I caught my 16-year-old daughter and her boyfriend trying to use a latex glove as a condom. FML

by whatno / 06/19/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I realised half my underpants were missing. In related news, my slob of a housemate hasn't washed hers in several weeks, and has been stealing mine. FML

by WHOO HOO AIDS / 06/01/2013 at 2:52pm / Poland (Mazowieckie) / Miscellaneous

Today, my math teacher raged at a student for eating an apple in class. As he yelled at the student, he slapped the apple out of his hand and right into my face. Everyone laughed, including the teacher. FML

by WTFruits / 05/29/2013 at 2:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting ready, when I heard my dad in the shower. He was singing along to the song "The Wheel in the Sky" by Journey. Except he'd changed the lyrics and was singing, "The dick on this guy needs a rubbin'." It turns out my mom was in the shower with him. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 12:13pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, for a laugh, I put vanilla yogurt into a mayonnaise jar and went to the mall to eat it with a spoon. Too bad that someone called mall security on me for disturbing the peace. They shoved me into a back room and grilled me about what was in the jar. FML

by longsock123 / 04/30/2013 at 11:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

by esbemebe1113 / 03/27/2013 at 5:12pm / United States (Georgia) / Geek

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

by Dimples / 01/03/2013 at 6:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous