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xNephilim's favorite FMLs
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML
by Anonymous / 07/31/2012 at 2:42am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I had to get the manager of a grocery store to explain to his employee how coupons work. The employee had refused to accept the coupons I was using, for fear that, "they will be deducted from my paycheck." FML
by brunurb / 05/29/2012 at 7:40am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
by Anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 9:53am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation
Today, I locked myself out of the house. After hours of ringing the doorbell and calling my roommate, I decided to break the window. When I finally got in, my roommate was waiting with a can of pepper spray. FML
by jamboooy / 03/18/2012 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by bad luck? / 01/19/2012 at 12:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I tried a self-tanner in an attempt to rid myself of my ghost-white legs. I got my wish, but instead of a warm golden tan, I have red, swollen, lobster-like marks sticking out from the bottom half of my torso. FML
by owwwwwe / 01/09/2012 at 4:48pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Health
by Brit / 12/16/2011 at 3:50am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I'm very ill. My throat and glands are so swollen that whenever I fall asleep, I relax too much and cut off my own air. The doctor said it's a viral infection and there's nothing they can give me, so I can choose between trying to kill myself by sleeping or staying awake for the next few days. FML
by DirtyCharmed / 11/01/2011 at 2:29am / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 4:27pm / United States / Love
Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals
by The captain / 08/21/2011 at 7:09pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health
Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2011 at 3:42am / United States / Work
by a-mishunderstanding / 08/08/2011 at 12:07am / Work
- Today, I discovered that if I work out, I can't get an erection, but if I don't work out, my penis… Today, my ex-boyfriend posted on my boyfriend's facebook wall. Apparently I give awful blowjobs. FML Today, I was feeling frisky and asked my boyfriend if he wanted a blowjob. He said "Fuck no", then…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of…