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Offline (the 09/08/2015 at 6:53am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 16 February 1945 (71 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 648
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About xAwkwardTurtle : hello.

xAwkwardTurtle's page activity

Visits<b>WhoDaFku</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 11:40pm<b>superuser1234</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 12:40pm<b>mattmillabruh</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 2:04am<b>Ethan_Anonymous</b> - the 11/26/2015 at 6:26am<b>Bethaneey</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 2:35am<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 11:54pm<b>Markovski</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 10:27pm<b>illusong</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 3:40pm<b>andy594328</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 7:49pm<b>therealjc</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 1:57am<b>tori_1434</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 1:58pm<b>michaelaranda</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 12:58am<b>eezila</b> - the 05/23/2014 at 1:27pm<b>barreiroj</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 11:14pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 3:45pm<b>Bafrinn</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 6:35pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 2:04pm<b>euphoricness</b> - the 04/14/2014 at 1:34am

Fucked!<b>Markovski</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 4:27am

xAwkwardTurtle's FML badges

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xAwkwardTurtle's favorite FMLs

Today, while wandering around the big city I just relocated to, I asked a seemingly pleasant-looking lady where the nearest library was. She told me to get lost, and started laughing. Then said she was just joking and gave me directions. I'm now standing in front of a gay strip joint. FML

by lostintdot / 07/31/2014 at 7:38am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, a new session started for my swimming squad. I walked down to the pool, tripped over a stray equipment bag, and belly-flopped into the pool in front of everyone, fully clothed. I'm the coach. FML

by Anonymous / 07/31/2014 at 1:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

by 43_clothespins_later / 11/20/2013 at 7:12pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2011 at 1:23pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I was riding the subway to work. Barely anyone was on because of how early it was. Me and this one guy in a trench coat were in the same cart. His stop came. He walked by me, flashed me, rubbed his penis on my arm, and then ran away really fast. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2009 at 4:20am / Japan / Transportation

Today, while walking in the mall, I had two people race past me in wheelchairs. Thinking they were racing, I started rooting for the one guy that was ahead. Turns out his wheelchair was malfunctioning and the other was chasing after to help. He then slammed and fell into the water fountain. FML

by meantowheels / 06/20/2009 at 10:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous