About wratty11 : I sure am completely, amazingly, absolutely, remarkably average
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
wratty11's favorite FMLs
Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML
by Anonymous / 10/06/2015 at 3:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was kayaking with my family for my birthday, when we tipped over while going down a rocky cascade. My husband badly cut up his arm, and my car keys and my phone both went for a swim and never returned. Great birthday. FML
by KeysToHappiness / 08/16/2015 at 8:39am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML
by tumblrinas_at_work / 05/02/2015 at 4:04am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML
by whoreticulturalist / 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/08/2012 at 1:59am / United States / Animals
Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML
by ohai95 / 08/07/2012 at 8:11pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I called in to my girlfriend's favorite radio station to propose. After spending what seemed like an eternity telling her how much I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her, she took a deep breath, said, "How about no?" and hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2012 at 3:50pm / United States / Love
by a chick in California / 06/14/2012 at 4:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by nickthetank / 12/31/2011 at 4:21am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML
by sydysyd / 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML
by Anonymous / 11/21/2010 at 3:01am / Mexico (Morelos) / Intimacy
by pst / 11/20/2010 at 8:06pm / South Africa (Western Cape) / Intimacy
by nevergonnatrust / 11/18/2010 at 4:23am / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 8:42pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
- Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not… Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had… Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't…