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wiretapped's favorite FMLs
by other woman / 10/21/2013 at 12:42pm / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 6:57am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML
by Wheredigowrong / 10/21/2013 at 12:18am / United States (Iowa) / Kids
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML
by momaaa1342 / 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Teiu88 / 10/20/2013 at 10:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by cantcloselegs / 10/20/2013 at 8:39am / United States / Health
Today, my brother sent me an image by Skype, saying I really had to see it. I figured it was some kind of stupid joke, but I tried to look anyway. It wouldn't open. Turns out he thought he could just rename the ".exe" on a virus to ".jpg" and it would still run. My brother's a cretin. FML
by Anonymous / 10/19/2013 at 4:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 2:19am / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
by (-__- ) ( ^.^) / 10/11/2013 at 5:00pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Utah) / Work
Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 7:45am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by mathgenius / 10/08/2013 at 3:17pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
by Agax / 10/07/2013 at 8:21pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Cereal_mistress / 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Love
- Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I… Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to… Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and…