About whinthy : IG @wi.nter
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whinthy's favorite FMLs
Today, I went out to get milk from the garage fridge for my mom. The moment I stepped out, my foot settled on the neighbor's boa, who likes to escape. After my mom finally opened the door to my frantic shouting, she spotted the snake, slammed the door, and locked both of us outside. FML
by blindsparrow / 11/18/2014 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Animals
by tine / 11/16/2014 at 4:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I get to add spaghetti sauce to my rather extensive list of things that don't belong in a person's eye but that end up in mine anyway. Other items include molten cheese, rock salt, orange juice, chips of nail polish, cotton fibers, and firework ash. FML
by gspotter / 11/14/2014 at 4:58pm / Canada (Quebec) / Health
by annababyyyy / 11/10/2014 at 12:01am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML
by jennabee97 / 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by subduedbeast / 10/27/2014 at 2:48pm / United States / Love
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML
by peak4u / 10/09/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love
by epic174 / 10/07/2014 at 6:15pm / United States / Holidays
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by whydoidothis / 10/03/2014 at 7:29am / United Kingdom / Work
Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML
by RuinedTheMood / 09/21/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by pasquale / 09/20/2014 at 2:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by jewelthewat / 09/19/2014 at 8:52am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
- Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to… Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he… Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put…