About whatsupitsbrian : Hey my names Ben and I'm looking for a nice b***ch to get it on with(; hmu. I have some blue eyes, I'm about 3 feet tall on all fours and I weigh almost 50 pounds(; all muscle
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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
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whatsupitsbrian's favorite FMLs
by Catuser / 03/05/2014 at 10:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML
by kitty91 / 03/02/2014 at 8:14pm / United States (New Mexico) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by tigerisabelle / 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm / Miscellaneous
by khfhjfsb / 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML
by Fire sucks. / 01/16/2014 at 10:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by jseid2 / 01/15/2014 at 12:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML
by polluxdc / 01/10/2014 at 3:20am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2014 at 12:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by notakeeper / 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, I took my younger sister to see Santa for a photo. Santa insisted that I was in the photo too. I wasn't sure why he made such a big deal about it until he groped me while the photo was being taken. FML
by shellz15 / 12/15/2013 at 7:36am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/14/2013 at 2:24am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/09/2013 at 5:41pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love
by mistletoe / 12/08/2013 at 9:21pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy