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whateverwillwork's favorite FMLs
by FANZZY / 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Stellarum / 08/18/2014 at 11:13am / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Kids
Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML
by 919191 / 08/18/2014 at 9:26am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Kids
Today, two children decided it would be fun to try to ding-dong-ditch me. I never answered the door as I saw them running away. They did it a couple of times before getting bored. That's when they decided it would be fun to come into my house instead. FML
by I hate children / 08/18/2014 at 8:10am / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Kids
Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
by you ripped them off ages ago / 08/17/2014 at 2:15am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
by gag reflex / 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by bad birthdays / 08/16/2014 at 1:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/15/2014 at 10:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by emmamrose7 / 08/14/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML
by wasteroftime / 08/14/2014 at 5:31pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by cahsecuel / 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 3:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by BrokeBride / 08/14/2014 at 3:15am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm / New Zealand / Kids
Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation