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whateverwillwork's favorite FMLs
by cbad / 01/30/2012 at 10:27am / United States / Health
by oldsoulyoungbody / 01/30/2012 at 10:07am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML
by Anonymous / 01/30/2012 at 4:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by givingup / 01/30/2012 at 12:37am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I got to listen while my grandma, who has dementia and therefore a poor memory, explained to me why the old man on TV was a sex god. She forgot everything once she said it. I got to listen to her explanation five times over. FML
by scared for life / 01/29/2012 at 11:23am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML
by GothicbunnyxC / 01/28/2012 at 6:31pm / Canada (Prince Edward Island) / Miscellaneous
Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm / United States / Love
by messyvictor / 01/28/2012 at 11:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a testicular ultrasound. The ultrasound tech was a very attractive woman. This is the first time in the past four and a half years a woman has touched my package, and I had to get health issues to make it happen. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML
by footscratching / 01/28/2012 at 1:27am / United States / Kids
by StickySituations / 01/27/2012 at 5:32pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
by The Towel Molester / 01/26/2012 at 9:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/26/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
by RequilaRainbow / 01/26/2012 at 2:34am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous