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whateverwillwork's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 2:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love
Today, while on the train heading to my new job, my coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until my stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free, and ended up missing my stop. When I finally got to work, I was told not to bother coming in again. FML
by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 8:31am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Work
Today, I slipped on some ice and wrecked my back. When my husband and I went to go to bed, he begged me to take one of the pain pills left over from his recent surgery. Not so I could feel better and get some rest, but so he could have sex. FML
by k8thagr8 / 02/28/2015 at 9:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by jojolee68 / 02/28/2015 at 2:53pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML
by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/28/2015 at 9:16am / Denmark (Nordjylland) / Miscellaneous
by confused / 02/26/2015 at 10:07pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love
Today, the doctor let me know I have an autoimmune disease. The disease results in ulcers in my colon which bleed when I poop. I cried, but only when I was told that I wouldn't be allowed to eat cheese anymore. FML
by Anonymous / 02/26/2015 at 7:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by frediqqq / 02/25/2015 at 11:21pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by mags89 / 02/25/2015 at 9:18am / United States / Work
Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML
by Like mother like daughter / 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML
by Sheldon76 / 02/24/2015 at 2:43pm / Health
Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2015 at 8:46am / Intimacy
Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML
by Vercsi / 02/19/2015 at 10:47am / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Work