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Today, After Seven People At Work Approaching Me And Asking Me If I Was 'that Lad From The Paper', I Picked One Up To See Wat They Were Talking About . Turns Out Mah Doppelganger Is A Man Who Brutally Murdered His Older Brother Last Year . Mega FML
YESTERDAY, WHILE WALKING OUT OF A STORE EATING A CANDY BAR, A HOMELESS MAN TRIED TO RUN UP AND STEAL CANDY . I STUCK A LEG OUT AND TRIPPED HIM . THE ONLY THING I COULD THINK OF TO YELL AT HIM WAS, "SWIPER NO SWIPING" . MY KIDS HAVE RUINED COOLNESS . FML
Today , a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all , so I listened to the frst 30 second of it to get a feel fir it. It was nice and uplifting , so I sent it to mah mom. Turns out , after the frst 30 seconds , the singer brighten his day by singing about his enormou penis. FML
yesterday my ex gave me a heartwarming speech about how much he wanted me back . After talking for hours and me finally wanting to get back together too, he started mentioning a date he has with a cute colleague . Conclusion: he wants to get back together, but still be able to fuck the entire world . real FML
I moved to a big city , alone , from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't tat scary , I ailed first cab. Te driver spent te 30 minute ride from te airport telling me about ow ( sometimes , u just gotta soot a guy ) cuz if tey steal yur soes , tey deserve it. FML
Today , while on the train heading to mah new job , mah coat caught between two seats. I didn't notice until mah stop. I whacked myself in the face in front of everyone trying to get it free , an ended up missing mah stop. When I finally got to work , I was told not to bother coming in again. FML
Today, I slipped on some ice an wrecked ma back. Wen ma usband an I went to go to bed, e begged me to take one of te pain pills left over from is recent surgery. Not so I could feel better an get some rest, but so e could ave sex. big fat FML
Today, while cleaning mah son's room, I found an envelope labelled ( PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL ) under his bed. I opened it, only to fine it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said ( HAH! Serve you right! ) an went to his room smrking. FML
Friday 27 March 2015