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Offline (the 11/10/2016 at 5:09am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 25 September 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1186
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About wastedpenguin : If you message me you better be an asshole cuz that's probably the only way you'll be able to tolerate me

wastedpenguin's page activity

Visits<b>Kataclysm97</b> - the 11/29/2016 at 10:53pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 10/07/2016 at 7:36pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 1:57pm<b>Stxsyh</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 7:09pm<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 08/03/2016 at 8:24am<b>EddySaBoy</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 4:46am<b>booklover98</b> - the 06/15/2016 at 12:11pm<b>Bree06</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 8:54am<b>cheyennekennedy</b> - the 03/02/2016 at 3:12am<b>maddie_xo</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 11:15pm<b>euphoricness</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 10:22am<b>Bloodknight</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 5:16pm<b>CyberStud</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 5:01pm<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 12:06pm<b>nullroute</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 11:50am<b>paigexox0</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 7:01am<b>LittleRed79</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 5:07am<b>NarutoLove</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 4:57am

Fucked!<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 09/04/2016 at 1:43am<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 07/09/2016 at 6:31am<b>EddySaBoy</b> - the 07/02/2016 at 10:46am<b>booklover98</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 5:51pm<b>Stxsyh</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 12:28pm<b>emmareneebby</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 8:41am<b>earthlyscum</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 5:19am<b>maddie_xo</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 9:55am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 6:57am<b>Kataclysm97</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 2:10am<b>NarutoLove</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 8:09am<b>nerdtoninja</b> - the 08/18/2015 at 12:52am<b>ToxicPlant</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 3:51am<b>MrsJellyBean</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:53am<b>cristinewest</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 3:34am<b>royr7395</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 8:17am<b>redlight98</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 11:20pm<b>BeautifulLiesx</b> - the 02/13/2015 at 12:17am

wastedpenguin's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.


You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

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wastedpenguin's favorite FMLs

Today, one of my coworkers tried to convince me to be a model for his "foot fetish parties". I politely declined, just as I had the day before, and the day before that. This will probably continue every day, since our schedules are nearly identical. FML

by kindasortayeah / 10/04/2015 at 9:26pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2014 at 10:18pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was driving, a massive cockroach clicked its way across my windshield. I pulled over to fling it out the window, but it spread its wings and flew around like a hook-armed stabbing machine. I lost it in the dark car and now I can't find it. It's going to be a long drive home. FML

by Baustigt / 08/06/2014 at 9:34am / Australia / Animals

Today, I heard my husband say from outside, "Seriously Dan, what could go wrong?" This was followed a few seconds later by a bang and screaming. Turns out he'd tried to smash his head through a wooden plank like a martial artist and failed. He ended up with splinters and a concussion. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2014 at 11:15am / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, my mom found out that I've been having counselling behind her back for the past 4 years. I broke down in tears explaining everything. Her response was, "So you go and bitch about me behind my back?!" And she wonders why I'm depressed. FML

by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 6:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to work in my best outfit for the big corporate party we were having later in the day. When I arrived, my boss said, "You missed one hell of a party yesterday!" Shit. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2014 at 5:20pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

by wish his dad had worn one / 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, my mother-in-law confessed that for the longest time, she had fantasies about killing me for "ruining" her daughter's life, basically because I'm not wealthy enough for my mother-in-law's standards. She made sure to let me know the situation hasn't changed at all. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2014 at 10:34am / United Kingdom (Lancashire) / Love

Today, my neighbor threatened to call the cops if I didn't turn the volume down on my porno. I was only watching women's tennis. FML

by Mem / 05/30/2014 at 4:07pm / Sweden (Gavleborgs Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

by Anonymous / 04/11/2014 at 7:16pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

by smooth / 11/21/2013 at 11:10am / United States / Miscellaneous