About war3095 : I'm Austin! I love to read FMLs. I'm a little odd at first but other than that I'm okay. I love to listen to music, every genre. Snapchat: war3095 Kik:WAR3095
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
war3095's favorite FMLs
Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML
by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ballplaya52 / 12/08/2013 at 12:04am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML
by bella / 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML
by mystery / 12/07/2013 at 4:55pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
by eer004 / 12/07/2013 at 5:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, a customer threatened to come back later and shoot the whole place up. Why? I didn't give him a discount on his beer. My boss's reaction when I called the police: "Why didn't you give him the discount?!" Last week he bitched me out for letting a girl off for being a few cents short on hers. FML
by eat my fucking ass, boss / 12/06/2013 at 6:37pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML
by Anonymous / 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
by fuckadaisical / 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/05/2013 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Sunderland) / Intimacy
by Amy / 12/05/2013 at 12:25am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML
by KarateKid76 / 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by anon / 12/02/2013 at 11:26pm / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by eastsiderounder / 12/02/2013 at 12:11pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
- Today, I was sitting in traffic for about an hour. I've heard stories about people doing the dirty… Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking… Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled…