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waderick26

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waderick26
  • Town/Country : cottonwood, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits :
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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waderick26's favorite FMLs

Today, I was feeling adventurous and decided to freeball it to school. As I went to sit down during first class, I managed to sit on my own balls, scream, then collapse on the floor gasping. My teacher thought I was screwing around and gave me detention. FML

#21104415
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29956) - you deserved it (16478)

On 04/04/2014 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41588) - you deserved it (5190)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

#21091737
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36500) - you deserved it (3840)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

#21083446
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44380) - you deserved it (6055)

On 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

#21081555
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40962) - you deserved it (3836)

On 03/08/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old cousin. She scraped her knee, and in an attempt to cheer her up, I put a refrigerator box over my head and waddled around like a penguin. She stopped crying, but only after I fell down a flight of tile stairs. FML

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

#21067749
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33890) - you deserved it (15387)

On 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm - misc - by Cuntface McGee (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42125) - you deserved it (4476)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I walked in on my dad singing along to a song on Sesame Street. He tried to divert attention from what I'd just witnessed by angrily grilling me over "just barging in" and not respecting people's privacy. Apparently he forgot that we were in the living room. FML

#21062479
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34356) - you deserved it (3062)

On 02/16/2014 at 2:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

#21062405
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36548) - you deserved it (3839)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36748) - you deserved it (7879)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

#21061712
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42103) - you deserved it (5376)

On 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37292) - you deserved it (6955)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42473) - you deserved it (7548)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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