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vivaladino's favorite FMLs
by IHopeYourDogsGetDiarrheaAndPoopOnYourBed / 12/20/2011 at 6:49am / Mauritius / Miscellaneous
by mr.nobody / 12/16/2011 at 9:59am / Cyprus (Nicosia) / Money
Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML
by Oily / 12/16/2011 at 4:08am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Kids
Today, I had a dream in which I was arguing with my mom. In the dream, she threatened to hit me, and I told her I'd do it myself. I reared back and knocked the crap out of myself. I'm awake now, and my jaw still hurts. FML
by Grubendol / 12/15/2011 at 12:30pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by Maggie / 12/10/2011 at 11:45am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by godhatesme / 12/10/2011 at 3:45am / United States / Intimacy
by queenlatifa101bebe / 12/09/2011 at 9:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML
by charliebravo77 / 12/09/2011 at 3:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Work
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML
Today, we were in the car with my puppy, who favours my sister. She had been sat on her lap for a while, when she stood up and climbed onto my lap. I was really pleased until she peed on me and then went straight back to my sister. FML
by PuppyPeeTimee. / 09/17/2010 at 2:30am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Animals
Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML
by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 2:04am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2010 at 7:34pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by sleepwalker / 09/14/2010 at 2:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…
- Today, I'm sick. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't leaving for college in three days, and… Today, it has been a week since I moved into my new house. Turns out that the previous owner of the… Today, my new guy friend told me that he is madly in love with me. When I suggested "let's give it…