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vimmy77

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vimmy77

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vimmy77's favorite FMLs

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16917) - you deserved it (50523)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, a girl from class screamed at me in public for hugging the guy she likes. She threatened to take me out if I didn't "back off". That guy is my boyfriend. FML

#21333251
113 comments

Today, my boyfriend brought me to a restaurant on a surprise date. I guess he didn't know that my ex-boyfriend now works there, and that he would be our waiter for the evening. FML

#21311019
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30697) - you deserved it (2820)

On 12/03/2014 at 9:49pm - love - by maddieex - United States (Illinois)

Today, I decided to tan naked in a secluded part of my yard, so I wouldn't get tan lines. I even felt adventurous enough to leave my bikini and towel inside. This idea backfired however when my mom stopped home from work, assumed I wasn't home, and locked all the doors before she left again. FML

#21207511
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43224) - you deserved it (14447)

On 07/13/2014 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML

#21171240
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50119) - you deserved it (7640)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I ran into my girlfriend by chance while out shopping. She looked different than usual. Maybe it was the wedding ring she was wearing, or how she had her arm around another gentleman, gee, I don't know. That's two years of my life wasted. FML

#21168433
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63280) - you deserved it (5143)

On 06/09/2014 at 5:03pm - love - by wrecked (man) - United States

Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she bought wouldn't turn on, and that she wanted a refund. She yelled and shoved the laptop at me, not even listening when I told her I didn't even work at that store. FML

#21143801
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49794) - you deserved it (3894)

On 05/18/2014 at 10:14am - misc - by lemongrab (woman) - Canada

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37868) - you deserved it (20114)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML

#21129302
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25311) - you deserved it (33272)

On 05/03/2014 at 12:57am - misc - by EggHead - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52187) - you deserved it (4718)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

#21074975
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43352) - you deserved it (4943)

On 03/01/2014 at 1:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61169) - you deserved it (4540)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I was driving along when I noticed a kid struggling to push his car up the crest of a hill. I jumped out to help him, and he acted surprised to see me. Once we got the car over the hill, it rolled on down. I then saw that no one was actually in the driver's seat. I'd helped a vandal. FML



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