About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
vespergreen's FML badges
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
vespergreen's favorite FMLs
by guest / 06/18/2014 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML
by Anonymous / 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by mydatinglifesucks / 06/15/2014 at 2:31am / United States / Love
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 2:42am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 5:27am / United States (California) / Love
by BrefODM / 06/12/2014 at 11:15pm / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML
by imalosertho / 06/10/2014 at 9:01pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Animals
Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML
by fartbucket51995129565 / 06/10/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Love
by MiserableMan / 06/10/2014 at 12:02am / Vietnam (Ho Chi Minh) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/09/2014 at 11:30pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML
by I'm Not Dead Yet / 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML
by AndrewKeane / 06/09/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by apologetic / 06/09/2014 at 10:27am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
by Anonymous / 06/09/2014 at 9:47am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by aireeahna / 06/08/2014 at 10:42pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…