About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
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vespergreen's favorite FMLs
Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML
by suspended / 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by freakedout / 08/08/2014 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/08/2014 at 2:13am / Singapore / Work
by poolfail / 08/06/2014 at 5:14pm / Miscellaneous
by notthenaughtymaid / 08/04/2014 at 5:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
Today, while out with my boyfriend, I gave a beggar some cash, who then smiled at me and said to my boyfriend, "You have a beautiful little lady, take good care of her." Flattered, I hoped my boyfriend would agree with the compliment. He turned and said, "Hear that? He said you were little." FML
by gwengas / 07/30/2014 at 2:51am / France (Bretagne) / Love
by Scotty / 07/28/2014 at 6:16am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work
Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML
by blow away / 07/28/2014 at 12:36am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by why / 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm / United States / Intimacy
by Yeppets / 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 07/25/2014 at 5:18pm / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Love
by I don't condome that, babe / 07/24/2014 at 4:51pm / United States (Florida) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/24/2014 at 5:05am / United States (Florida) / Work
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the… Today, I came home to find my Dad cheating on his new wife of six weeks. With my own mother who was… Today, I took a shower with my boyfriend. I tried to be adventurous and went to give him a blowjob,…