vespergreen

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Offline (the 11/04/2014 at 1:58am)

vespergreen

13Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7951
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.

vespergreen's page activity

Visits<b>SpaceToast</b> - the 09/19/2016 at 9:40pm<b>Sharpshooterrr</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 1:56am<b>MannyM</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 12:29am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 4:09pm<b>krazy789</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 10:13pm<b>MrPerks93</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 5:47pm<b>jackthekeeper</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 9:44am<b>earlpam</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 9:47am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:00am<b>wangwong</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 8:15am<b>_klausMH</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 2:49pm<b>DevilsMetsGiants</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 6:27pm<b>NikhilBajaj</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 2:15pm<b>elusiveshame</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 2:37pm<b>Nathan23xx</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:24am<b>pickles1994</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 10:42pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 1:16am<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 3:27pm

Fucked!<b>krazy789</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 4:13am<b>DevilsMetsGiants</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 12:27am<b>elusiveshame</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 8:37pm<b>Nathan23xx</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 8:24am<b>pickles1994</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 3:42am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 5:24am<b>christian1509</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 11:12pm<b>minutepoet</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 5:44am<b>hobosapien081</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 11:45pm<b>IspSG</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 11:39pm<b>isorang</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 4:22pm<b>alitaba21fx</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 12:42pm<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 5:16am

vespergreen's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

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vespergreen's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

by embarrassed / 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my husband to tell me something nice about myself. He thought for a few moments, then said, "Uh, you shit quietly." FML

by ugh thanks / 08/17/2014 at 12:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I went to my new gynecologist. He has an eye twitch, and every time he asks about my genitals, he winks at me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

by cahsecuel / 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 12:38am / France / Animals

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm / New Zealand / Kids

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, at the beach, I noticed a plastic bag in the water. I wanted to do something good for a change, help protect the environment and get it out. It wasn't a bag; it was a jellyfish. FML

by Muwz / 08/13/2014 at 12:28am / Animals

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML

by theshire / 08/12/2014 at 2:23am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Health

Today, was the first day my grandma has seen me since I started going to tanning beds. She is now considering taking me out of her will because I look like "a damn Indian". FML

by kirstyrd / 08/12/2014 at 2:07am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML

by poorman / 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

by jackie89 / 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy