About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
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vespergreen's favorite FMLs
by embarrassed / 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by ugh thanks / 08/17/2014 at 12:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 11:35pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by cahsecuel / 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 12:38am / France / Animals
Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm / New Zealand / Kids
Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML
by Anonymous / 08/12/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML
by theshire / 08/12/2014 at 2:23am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Health
by kirstyrd / 08/12/2014 at 2:07am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, a customer came into McDonalds and placed his order. He insisted on putting each coin on the counter rather than handing them straight to me, because he doesn't like touching "poor people". FML
by poorman / 08/11/2014 at 3:54pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML
by jackie89 / 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 2Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, I caught my dad spanking my mom with a spatula. The same spatula I use to cook my eggs every… Today, I had sex with the guy who had been the main subject of my bean-flicking fantasies since I… Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I…