About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
vespergreen's FML badges
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
vespergreen's favorite FMLs
by SCARRED / 08/29/2014 at 4:15pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by abbshows / 08/29/2014 at 2:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML
by hannahka / 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Amithatevil / 08/29/2014 at 8:35am / Japan (Kanagawa) / Kids
by AgentOrion / 08/29/2014 at 12:16am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by That idiot / 08/27/2014 at 10:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids
by Woops / 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
by dr.mantistobagon / 08/27/2014 at 6:03pm / United States (Vermont) / Intimacy
Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML
by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 5:19pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids
Today, the police knocked on my door, saying that they needed to investigate my house for animal abuse. Apparently the neighbours called, reporting a "screeching bird in pain". I have no bird, but I have been singing quite loudly recently. FML
by abusedparrot / 08/24/2014 at 8:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/21/2014 at 5:24pm / Portugal (Lisboa) / Intimacy
by royallymessedup / 08/21/2014 at 12:36pm / Love
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love