vespergreen

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Offline (the 11/04/2014 at 1:58am)

vespergreen

13Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7954
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.

vespergreen's page activity

Visits<b>SpaceToast</b> - the 09/19/2016 at 9:40pm<b>Sharpshooterrr</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 1:56am<b>MannyM</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 12:29am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 4:09pm<b>krazy789</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 10:13pm<b>MrPerks93</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 5:47pm<b>jackthekeeper</b> - the 10/06/2015 at 9:44am<b>earlpam</b> - the 09/13/2015 at 9:47am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 4:00am<b>wangwong</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 8:15am<b>_klausMH</b> - the 06/14/2015 at 2:49pm<b>DevilsMetsGiants</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 6:27pm<b>NikhilBajaj</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 2:15pm<b>elusiveshame</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 2:37pm<b>Nathan23xx</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 3:24am<b>pickles1994</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 10:42pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 1:16am<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 3:27pm

Fucked!<b>krazy789</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 4:13am<b>DevilsMetsGiants</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 12:27am<b>elusiveshame</b> - the 04/07/2015 at 8:37pm<b>Nathan23xx</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 8:24am<b>pickles1994</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 3:42am<b>dakatabg</b> - the 11/03/2014 at 5:24am<b>christian1509</b> - the 10/21/2014 at 11:12pm<b>minutepoet</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 5:44am<b>hobosapien081</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 11:45pm<b>IspSG</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 11:39pm<b>isorang</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 4:22pm<b>alitaba21fx</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 12:42pm<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 5:16am

vespergreen's FML badges

Perfectionist

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The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Checking you out

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vespergreen's favorite FMLs

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

by hot sweet.... not / 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm / United Kingdom (Renfrewshire) / Kids

Today, I was chilling out with my friend in a parking lot, when a police officer came up to the vehicle and suspiciously asked what we were up to. My friend sarcastically said, "Uh, doing drugs? Planning a drive-by? Haha!" We soon found ourselves in the back of a cop car. FML

by Cuntface McGee / 02/21/2014 at 4:37pm / Romania (Cluj) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

by management / 02/20/2014 at 9:31pm / United States / Work

Today, during an important exam, I had a huge panic attack and had to run out of the exam hall. Everyone saw me, and now everywhere I go, people keep pretending to have a panic attack and run away from me. I have to spend two more years with these assholes. FML

by mrosewrosem / 02/13/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

by took it / 02/09/2014 at 9:36am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

by Merith2004 / 02/04/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was singing in the shower but couldn't hit the higher notes. My wife complained and 2 minutes later she ran a tap causing my shower to go freezing. I shrieked. My wife said my pitch was still wrong. FML

by deargodthepain / 02/02/2014 at 11:53am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2014 at 11:36am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I found my little brother breathing heavily and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me intensely and said "Breathing in all the oxygen so you can't have any and die." 5ML

by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

by sickmom / 01/21/2014 at 6:07am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids

Today, I was in a market in France, and went to ask the seller for some potatoes. I speak fluent French, but I got flustered and instead of saying "pomme de terre", which is the French for potato, I said "pomme de merde". I literally asked for an "apple of shit". FML

by Kaddiscott / 01/20/2014 at 5:12am / Italy (Trentino-Alto Adige) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML

by Fire sucks. / 01/16/2014 at 10:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML

by OvertonHippie / 01/13/2014 at 7:09am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Animals

Today, after much debate I let my mom wax my eyebrows. Now I get to look super surprised until they grow back. FML

by madib33 / 01/11/2014 at 12:49am / United States / Miscellaneous