About vespergreen : I got to stay high all my life to forget I'm missing you.
vespergreen's FML badges
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
vespergreen's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 10/29/2014 at 4:19am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
by Anonymos_fmler / 10/20/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was at a football game with my boyfriend. I said my hands were getting cold, hoping he'd hold them. He replied, "Uh, they make pockets for a reason..." and physically showed me how to put my hands in my pockets. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2014 at 10:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by karmaaa / 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation
Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML
by peak4u / 10/09/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love
by bees / 10/09/2014 at 2:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/08/2014 at 10:13pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML
by allergic_to_bull / 10/08/2014 at 2:48pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, my OCD reached a new high when I used a correction pen to white-out an eyelash which was photocopied onto every single page of my reading material. I did it because the eyelash was too distracting and I couldn't finish reading the article without the urge to rip it into shreds. FML
by waternixie / 10/07/2014 at 11:49pm / Malaysia (Negeri Sembilan) / Miscellaneous
by thanks babe / 10/06/2014 at 7:47pm / United Kingdom (Shropshire) / Love
Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids
by Ryuun12 / 10/02/2014 at 11:20pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML
by ThatNewCarSmell / 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by super maman / 09/29/2014 at 11:08pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Kids
- Today, I tried to get my girlfriend of nine months to have oral sex with me. She was eating a hot… Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I… Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML