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vanna88's FML badges
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vanna88's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/24/2014 at 12:14am / United States / Love
by ReluctantAntEater / 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by lentmarz / 08/19/2014 at 7:37pm / United States (Idaho) / Love
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML
by drunk under 18 teenager / 08/19/2014 at 9:37am / Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz) / Geek
Today, I was waiting at a stop light in the left turn lane, when a homeless guy on the sidewalk walked up to my car with a, "Bet you can't hit me with a quarter" sign. The lady on my right decided to throw a quarter at him, but it missed and hit my windshield. She yelled, "Oh fuck!" and drove away. FML
by StephLo / 08/18/2014 at 5:25pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML
by 919191 / 08/18/2014 at 9:26am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 3:50pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/14/2014 at 12:38am / France / Animals
Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm / New Zealand / Kids
by mcmanager / 08/11/2014 at 10:18am / United States (California) / Work
by weirded out / 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Work
by freakedout / 08/08/2014 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband told his parents that he was quitting his job so that he could focus on school. They asked him what he was going to do for money. When I told them that I'd be the one working, they took one look at me and burst into laughter. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2014 at 12:57pm / United States (Texas) / Work
- Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer… Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily.… Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father…