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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1638
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About vampirapaige : Type in BEATRIXPAD into google earth and you can see a dead body being dragged into the ocean!!! How delightful...

vampirapaige's page activity

Visits<b>alexishbu</b> - the 02/09/2016 at 7:44am<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 08/31/2015 at 6:13am<b>TwistedWires</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 3:38pm<b>turdoblast</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 7:49pm<b>techno200</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 2:35am<b>Dylans_Girl1166</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 6:46am<b>haleymcaldwell</b> - the 11/14/2013 at 8:51pm<b>bath_time_bitch</b> - the 11/14/2013 at 8:47pm<b>PresAgent</b> - the 11/10/2013 at 5:20am<b>elehcim65</b> - the 11/08/2013 at 8:32am<b>FuhrerBurg</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 5:23pm<b>xiax</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 12:50pm<b>TW34BOSTON</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 11:19am<b>CandyDawg</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 1:22am<b>Sockturtle</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 1:11am<b>Catkam623</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 12:27am<b>meihua</b> - the 10/14/2013 at 8:48am<b>149967</b> - the 10/13/2013 at 8:04pm

vampirapaige's FML badges

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vampirapaige's favorite FMLs

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

by Anonymous / 12/02/2013 at 7:56pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Kids

Today, I was accused of stealing when I dropped a $20 bill in front of my boss. His logic: I'm too poor to have a $20 bill and there's no way it was a tip, since our customers are "so stingy". It was a tip and it was going to get me through the rest of the month. He won't give it back. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2013 at 2:18am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

by BioChickthcfy / 11/13/2013 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML

by FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP / 11/01/2013 at 2:38pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

by #isthisthepoundkey? / 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I invited my boyfriend over to meet my new puppy. My dog decided to take a dump on his lap. He is now not talking to me because he thinks I trained my dog to do that. FML

by Puppy problems / 10/26/2013 at 9:23pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

by latter / 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I was at a job interview for a position I really needed. Somehow, the interviewer and I started talking about fishing. I joked, "I'm a master baiter." Needless to say, I didn't get the job. FML

by master baiter / 08/12/2013 at 1:11pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my girlfriend and I were going at it doggy style, really fast, when she started laughing. I asked her what was so amusing and she giggled, "I can't feel anything in there." FML

by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

by lilly1105 / 07/15/2013 at 9:19am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

by tonedef / 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at the doctor's, I had lots of papers to fill out so my boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them and the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders my boyfriend had written, "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML

by Never Going Back To The Doctor / 07/04/2013 at 3:03am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I heard my boyfriend making the same noises while cleaning out his ears as the ones he makes whenever we have sex. FML

by Anonymous / 06/25/2013 at 12:21pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I was feeding some ducks. One of them choked to death on the old bread. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2013 at 12:41pm / Belgium / Animals