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usernameunkn0wn's favorite FMLs
by back to creepers / 12/21/2013 at 3:05pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Geek
by Anonymous / 12/08/2013 at 11:49am / United States (California) / Love
by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Cereal_mistress / 10/07/2013 at 2:54pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my grandmother opened the bathroom door to find me eating a spoonful of Nutella while on the toilet. She is convinced that I was eating my own shit and will not stop telling everybody. They believe her. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
by heyhijello / 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML
by aisbash / 09/01/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (California) / Work
by Pontiacman92 / 08/29/2013 at 3:07am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML
by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by sisterly love / 08/14/2013 at 5:13pm / United States (California) / Kids
by YayItsYasmine / 08/14/2013 at 12:48pm / Austria (Karnten) / Miscellaneous
by kenbez123 / 08/14/2013 at 3:55am / Malta / Miscellaneous
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Animals
Today, I spontaneously got my ear pierced. By spontaneously, I mean my 12-year-old sister stabbed one of her earrings into my ear while I was sleeping. She claimed the freckle on my earlobe looks "exactly the same" as the hole from her ear piercing. FML
by ouch / 07/24/2013 at 2:03pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he… Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing… Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during…