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un1corns's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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un1corns's favorite FMLs
Today, I went into a haunted house. Around 30 seconds into the adventure, I couldn't stop screaming at the top of my lungs from all of the scares. Suddenly, the little girl ahead of me, who was all by herself, turned around and told me to "suck it up and grow a pair, loser." FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2010 at 7:56pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Kids
Today, I learned I was adopted and that my parents had died in a car accident when I was really young. My girlfriend was sitting next to me when I got the news, and several hours later broke up with me in a text stating, "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't have real parents." FML
by losingit / 10/19/2010 at 12:30am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/07/2010 at 9:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
by vikinggirl / 09/13/2010 at 5:14am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/12/2010 at 10:04am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, a little girl was misbehaving. Her dad told her that she would look like me when she grows up. The little girl look horrified while Daddy laughed and kept reassuring her he was "just kidding." FML
by Black Cat 13 / 09/04/2010 at 2:52am / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML
by kfoehslfns / 08/01/2010 at 4:45am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
by Monkey / 07/31/2010 at 12:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals
by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 11:12am / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML
by Theo / 12/18/2009 at 1:52am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I signed up for a psych experiment. I was a damsel in distress on the side of the highway, but no one stopped. Back at the lab, another participant said a half dozen people helped her. The professor was testing how attractiveness effects altruism. I was the unattractive subject. FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2009 at 4:05pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my date sent me a text saying "I'm sorry we're running late, we will be there shortly." I replied asking what she meant by "we". She said her parents, who were coming along to chaperone. I laughed about two 27 year olds having chaperones, until she walked in with her parents. FML
by Tragics / 11/11/2009 at 1:53pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Love
Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, that jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML
by Greg / 09/28/2009 at 1:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML
by Anonymous / 09/07/2009 at 2:05am / United States (Arizona) / Love