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un1corns

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un1corns
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 847
  • Number of comments : 54
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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un1corns's favorite FMLs

Today, my 9 month old son realized he is just as tired as I am. His solution is to cry loudly. My solution was to cry along with him. FML

#18631898
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27717) - you deserved it (4407)

On 12/28/2011 at 3:14am - kids - by anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML

#18631764
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24289) - you deserved it (4001)

On 12/28/2011 at 2:57am - health - by Fatty - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 18-year-old son asked me if I was a virgin. I still don't know what to say to him. FML

#18626435
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35657) - you deserved it (6345)

On 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm - intimacy - by blegh (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML

#18577154
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26937) - you deserved it (2844)

On 12/22/2011 at 3:09am - love - by Jean - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML

#18467751
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40309) - you deserved it (4928)

On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

#18466406
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27791) - you deserved it (3298)

On 12/09/2011 at 2:41am - health - by GlowInTheDark (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML

Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML

#18456700
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23090) - you deserved it (5306)

On 12/07/2011 at 10:33pm - health - by skrewedguy (man) - United States

Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML

#18439868
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23387) - you deserved it (4808)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML

#18424721
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24166) - you deserved it (2155)

On 12/04/2011 at 2:04am - health - by memoryloss (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

#18423886
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35776) - you deserved it (2261)

On 12/04/2011 at 12:19am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML

#18418543
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50961) - you deserved it (5171) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/03/2011 at 11:24am - kids - by perenoel - France

Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML

#18417405
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26371) - you deserved it (8409)

On 12/03/2011 at 5:03am - misc - by Sam - United States

Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML

#18410529
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33630) - you deserved it (5842)

On 12/02/2011 at 8:22am - kids - by jessi - United States

Today, a private number called me telling me to "Beware the water bottles" as soon as a water bottle flew through my open window, hitting me. FML

#18408949
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22830) - you deserved it (2798)

On 12/02/2011 at 12:23am - misc - by waterbottlehit (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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