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un1corns's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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un1corns's favorite FMLs
by anonymous / 12/28/2011 at 3:14am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, I found out that I've been using a "Trick Scale" that my family bought to boost my self esteem so I'd think I was losing weight. I found this out at my physical, where I learned I have actually gained ten pounds. FML
by Fatty / 12/28/2011 at 2:57am / United States (Illinois) / Health
by blegh / 12/27/2011 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend told me love is like a drug. I started tearing up because this is the most romantic he has been in a while. He then went on to break up with me, telling me that my "prescription is up". FML
by Jean / 12/22/2011 at 3:09am / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Love
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
by Aly / 12/09/2011 at 10:40am / United States / Intimacy
by GlowInTheDark / 12/09/2011 at 2:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML
by mattdevil / 12/08/2011 at 1:57pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
by skrewedguy / 12/07/2011 at 10:33pm / United States / Health
Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:16pm / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the doctor for a check up, having had a head injury a week ago and suffering some memory loss. Turns out, the medicine he gave me for my head has memory loss as a side effect. He then said "I told you. Don't you remember?" After I said no he said "I figured." and giggled. FML
by memoryloss / 12/04/2011 at 2:04am / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/04/2011 at 12:19am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
by perenoel / 12/03/2011 at 11:24am / France / Kids
by Sam / 12/03/2011 at 5:03am / United States / Transportation
by jessi / 12/02/2011 at 8:22am / United States / Kids
by waterbottlehit / 12/02/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…