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  • Number of visits : 1374
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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twilightjunky's page activity

Visits<b>lina_fantasy</b> - the 08/12/2013 at 11:54am<b>stripes97</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 11:56pm<b>MissVeracity</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 1:43pm<b>Zombiekilla3229</b> - the 07/15/2013 at 4:38am<b>butthole321</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 10:37am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/13/2013 at 4:56am<b>NicoleErin</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 9:04am<b>Roulios</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 7:38am<b>Peeves</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 7:17am<b>doubledutchy</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 5:23am

twilightjunky's FML badges

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.


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twilightjunky's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML

by bloody hell / 06/04/2015 at 1:59am / Philippines (Rizal) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

by Anonymous / 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

by headache / 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

by fxck / 02/04/2015 at 2:28pm / Work

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

by mn167109 / 12/09/2014 at 12:45am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

by Trainer Calypso / 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

by soisblueballsdickhead / 10/26/2014 at 10:25am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm / United States (Idaho) / Health

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

by Baby eater / 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

by Anonymous / 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

by idiotfucks / 04/30/2014 at 4:56pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Health

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

by caught out / 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

by fuckyouharddad / 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy