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twilightjunky

Offline (the 06/27/2015 at 3:38am) | Search for a member

twilightjunky

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  • Number of visits : 584
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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twilightjunky's page activity

Visits<b>lina_fantasy</b> - the 08/12/2013 at 11:54am<b>stripes97</b> - the 07/23/2013 at 11:56pm<b>MissVeracity</b> - the 07/16/2013 at 1:43pm<b>Zombiekilla3229</b> - the 07/15/2013 at 4:38am<b>butthole321</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 10:37am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/13/2013 at 4:56am<b>NicoleErin</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 9:04am<b>Roulios</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 7:38am<b>Peeves</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 7:17am<b>doubledutchy</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 5:23am

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twilightjunky's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML

#21420551
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28836) - you deserved it (3212)

On 06/04/2015 at 1:59am - misc - by bloody hell (woman) - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30105) - you deserved it (5465)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I hit my head on the steering wheel when I sneezed. I managed to honk the horn and the guy next to me couldn't stop laughing. FML

#21361311
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32385) - you deserved it (4784)

On 02/22/2015 at 8:41pm - misc - by headache - United States

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

#21349710
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33746) - you deserved it (2961)

On 02/04/2015 at 2:28pm - work - by fxck (woman) -

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

#21314190
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31306) - you deserved it (2413)

On 12/09/2014 at 12:45am - misc - by mn167109 (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36285) - you deserved it (3059)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be honest, this is TERRIBLE." FML

#21285558
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40509) - you deserved it (8716)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:25am - intimacy - by soisblueballsdickhead (woman) - United States

Today, I went on a date and ate in the park. When I crossed my legs under the table, I scraped my knee and got a lot of splinters in it. When I got back home and started digging out the splinters, my dad furiously demanded to know why I'd been on my knees during the date. FML

#21206411
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44320) - you deserved it (4238)

On 07/11/2014 at 9:36pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46020) - you deserved it (5311)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

#21131587
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50887) - you deserved it (17131)

On 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

#21127290
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35157) - you deserved it (7842)

On 04/30/2014 at 4:56pm - health - by idiotfucks (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I had just sat down in the lobby of my doctor's office when my phone alerted me that I had a friend request. I checked; it was from some girl from high school. I muttered to myself, "I don't want to be your friend." I then heard a gasp. She was sitting across from me. FML

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

#21123743
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40222) - you deserved it (6743)

On 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by caught out - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46228) - you deserved it (5968)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60721) - you deserved it (7707)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)



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