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tryst91's favorite FMLs
by emirie / 11/14/2013 at 4:33pm / Russian Federation (Saint Petersburg City) / Kids
Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML
by CanWeAllGetOne / 11/13/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/12/2013 at 2:12pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband got mad at me for not helping take out the groceries from the car. He yelled that I'm lazy, and that he regrets our marriage. I guess he forgot that the door handle on that side is broken and he had to let me out of the car. FML
by LetMeOut / 11/11/2013 at 1:02pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Thomas / 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML
by Anonymous / 11/11/2013 at 10:55am / United States / Love
Today, I was quizzing a girl at my college, and I noticed that when she answered a question, her ears wiggled. It was cute, so I pointed it out. She burst into tears, and the guy next to me said, "Way to make her feel insecure, douchebag." FML
by Tao26 / 11/10/2013 at 5:06pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Naomi / 11/10/2013 at 5:28am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML
by kel / 11/08/2013 at 6:50pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Love
Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
by Where is the faith in Humanity / 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML
by Anonymous / 11/07/2013 at 12:12pm / Ireland / Health
by awkward / 11/06/2013 at 4:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy