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Offline (the 12/10/2014 at 4:38am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6416
  • Number of comments : 97
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About toxic_walrus : love the office and doctor who, aspiring special effects artist, and a sarcastic asshole. But a friendly sarcastic asshole :] Anyway, message me if you wanna, I love meeting people!

toxic_walrus's page activity

Visits<b>pks2014</b> - the 10/12/2016 at 8:19pm<b>Rais</b> - the 09/30/2016 at 4:12pm<b>vincentjules</b> - the 09/30/2016 at 10:52am<b>Mons</b> - the 09/30/2016 at 8:59am<b>SRU22</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 8:17pm<b>2simz</b> - the 08/02/2016 at 5:32am<b>TheDarkLight</b> - the 07/23/2016 at 8:59pm<b>crazy_bananas</b> - the 07/08/2016 at 2:42am<b>cwenboo</b> - the 05/09/2016 at 6:19am<b>ShroudedKnife</b> - the 04/23/2016 at 2:48pm<b>deathrise007</b> - the 04/14/2016 at 10:35am<b>Exorcio</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 12:27am<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 10:16pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:46pm<b>AscendV</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 10:05pm<b>sandormatyi</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 10:32am<b>fk18</b> - the 11/15/2015 at 8:18pm<b>barisozdemir</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 6:16am

Fucked!<b>Rais</b> - the 09/30/2016 at 10:12pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 4:53am<b>bittersymphony</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 4:00am<b>captain_nessness</b> - the 07/06/2015 at 9:11am<b>misterspock</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 6:39am<b>Mukuro</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 10:33pm<b>toongler</b> - the 02/27/2015 at 6:21am<b>S232Flash</b> - the 11/30/2014 at 9:32pm<b>YoursAlways98</b> - the 11/29/2014 at 9:49pm<b>robertd73</b> - the 11/11/2014 at 6:59am<b>tazmanmike2013</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 6:53pm<b>Drake_The_Dragon</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 1:52pm<b>sheba72</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 6:37am<b>Hiktmae</b> - the 10/31/2014 at 6:40pm<b>DropTheDaggerxx</b> - the 10/28/2014 at 4:06am<b>its3esa</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 10:02pm<b>ComoEsJuan</b> - the 10/17/2014 at 12:56pm<b>Er_Ma_Gawd</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 4:39am

toxic_walrus's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

See all of toxic_walrus's badges

toxic_walrus's favorite FMLs

Today, I frantically told my parents that my bank account had no money. Turns out, they took the $1,600 I had saved up from a summer job and invested it in penny-stocks. I was grounded because they were "doing it for the family," and I'm being selfish. They also had lost it all in a matter of days. FML

by poor man / 11/26/2014 at 9:13am / United States (Florida) / Money

Today, I met my best friend's girlfriend for the first time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If you ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML

by ohwell / 11/24/2014 at 8:44am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love

Today, I helped a very large elderly man, who thanked me and tried to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him, "We are not allowed to accept tips from customers." His reply was, "You're going to take this fucking money," and shoved it in my pocket. I'm now being written up for it. FML

by justinmdent / 11/23/2014 at 10:48pm / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, I have to deal with being laughed at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movements towards me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got mugged and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2014 at 12:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

by 404: fuck not given / 11/23/2014 at 11:34am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I was rock climbing. I had my equipment on and I saw a really cute girl. I went for the hardest climb in the gym, and while jumping up to grab the rock, I simultaneously farted, missed the rock, fell to the mat and broke my arm in the process. FML

by AOart1st / 11/20/2014 at 10:25pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 7:43pm / United States / Work

Today, someone commented on my mother's memorial page on my blog. It said "u need too get over it bitch" and "ur mum was a wh0re". I looked up the IP address and found the comment was posted from my own wifi. The only other person who lives in my house is my girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2014 at 12:21pm / United Kingdom (Redcar and Cleveland) / Love

Today, like any other day since that stupid movie Frozen came out, people have been asking me if I want to build a snowman. My name is Elsa. FML

by elsatheannoyed / 11/11/2014 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, while reading 1984 on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

by anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:47am / Austria (Wien) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

by max / 10/23/2014 at 7:30pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was driving with my grandma and she was going 30 over the speed limit. To slow her down, I said, "Hey look, the police". She slammed on the brakes so hard I hit my head on the dashboard. FML

by karmaaa / 10/16/2014 at 4:56pm / United States (Iowa) / Transportation

Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML

by anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love