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Offline (the 12/10/2014 at 4:38am) | Search for a member
About toxic_walrus : love the office and doctor who, aspiring special effects artist, and a sarcastic asshole. But a friendly sarcastic asshole :] Anyway, message me if you wanna, I love meeting people!
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Yesterday , I frantically told my parents that my bank account looool had no money. Turns out , they took the $1,600 I had saved up from a summer job an invested it in penny-stocks. I was grounded because they were "doing it fir the family," an I'm being selfish. They also had lost it all in a matter of days. FML
Today, I met my best friend's grlfriend for the frst time. After a few hours of talking and eating, she followed me to the bathroom and said, dead serious, ''If u ever touch him or get too close to him, I will cut you''. I've known him for twelve years, they have been dating for a month. FML
Today , I helpd a very large elderly man,ho thankd me and trid to hand me a dollar bill. I kindly told him , "We are not allowd to accept tips from customers." His reply was , "You're going to take this fucking money," and shovd it in my pocket. I'm now being written up fir it. FML
Today, I have to deal with being laughd at by my mother and sister, because they keep making sharp movement toward me, causing me to flinch. This is because I got muggd and beaten last night. They think it's hysterical. FML
today I started to get orny wile watcing TV wit ma usband. I tried turning im on by telling im I wanted is cock. He ceerfully replied witout looking away from te TV looool "If only I gave a fuck babe if only I gave a fuck!" fat FML
Today , I was rock climbing. I had mah equipment on and I saw a really cute grl. I went fir the hardest climb in the gym , and while jumping up to grab the rock , I simultaneously fartd , missd the rock , fell to the mat and broke mah arm in the process. FML
Today, someone commented on mah mother's memorial page on mah blog. It said ( u need too get over it bitch ) an ( ur mum was ah0re ). I looked up the IP address an found the comment was posted from mah own wifi. The only other personho lives in mah house is mah grlfriend. FML
Today , while reading 1984 on the train , a cute guy around mah age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask fir mah number , he got up , pattd me on the head and said it's so nice that kids mah age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML
Today, I walked into house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and boyfriend holding dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML
today as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML
Friday 27 March 2015