totallytaco

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Offline (the 05/02/2015 at 5:35pm)

totallytaco

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 20 March 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 628
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About totallytaco : Just your average seventeen year old girl who likes Taco Bell and Netflix. :)

totallytaco's page activity

Visits<b>superuser1234</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 4:11pm<b>hammerhead2015</b> - the 08/06/2015 at 9:28pm<b>IamHercules</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 12:59am<b>Malteser95</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 8:04am<b>Chelsea_bella</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 3:21pm<b>Skydiver2001</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 2:42pm<b>TheThirdi</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 2:35am<b>sexyboi1985</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 9:37am<b>Adam5858</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 7:09pm<b>abnormalbird</b> - the 04/07/2014 at 4:36pm

Fucked!<b>hammerhead2015</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 3:28am<b>IamHercules</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 6:59am<b>Chelsea_bella</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 9:21pm

totallytaco's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of totallytaco's badges

totallytaco's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

by pledonasm / 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm / India (Maharashtra) / Kids

Today, I decided to have cereal for breakfast. I poured the cereal in the bowl, added the milk and had a spoonful. Then I realized that my cereal was moving in the back of my mouth. FML

by Eddy / 03/13/2015 at 11:27pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, a police car hit my parked vehicle, likely due to icy road conditions. When the officer came over to talk to me, I assumed it was to give me his insurance information. Nope. It was to give me a ticket for 'impeding a police officer'. My car was in my driveway. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

by No thank you / 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML

by No thank you / 02/04/2015 at 3:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

by SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! / 02/01/2015 at 11:17am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

by twoface_chick / 01/15/2015 at 2:28am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Health

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

by je suis christy / 01/09/2015 at 2:04pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Love

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

by EvilBubbles / 01/08/2015 at 10:45pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I met my new roommate. I hadn't even gotten her name yet, because the first thing she said to me instead was that she wanted to hang her confederate flag on the wall. I'm black. FML

by okay17 / 12/29/2014 at 12:00am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2014 at 9:43am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML

by aprouddaddy / 12/04/2014 at 6:46pm / Kids

Today, I learned I'm allergic to the 5-month-old kitten we got 3 days ago. It loves me, follows me everywhere and sleeps on my lap in the evenings. FML

by crazy cat lady / 12/03/2014 at 6:24pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Animals

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father for permission to take his daughter's hand in marriage. He asked me "Which one?" I said "Uh, the one I'm dating... Lisa." He belched and said, "Yeah sure, throw 'er off a cliff for all I care. Piss off, boy." So much for chivalry. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2014 at 4:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love