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toowie

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toowie
  • Town/Country : lalala, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 15 April 1996 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 449
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About toowie : :) small town girl, who reads fml when boredom strikes .

toowie's last visitors

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toowie's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

#21103637
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33605) - you deserved it (6336)

On 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm - animals - by Cali girl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

#21043075
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39013) - you deserved it (3370)

On 01/28/2014 at 2:43pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

#20140057
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21751) - you deserved it (3948)

On 10/30/2012 at 10:27am - misc - by Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML

#20139786
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8977) - you deserved it (37151)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:08am - love - by Andrew (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

#20084083
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14236) - you deserved it (6165)

On 09/22/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML

#20068529
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21713) - you deserved it (3434)

On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my 43-year-old brother's obsession with Breaking Bad reached a new level of stupidity when he nearly got us beaten up by a bunch of meth-heads down by our local park. He went up to them with his shaved head and stupid hat, and tried to act all Walter White with them. FML

#20065827
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13280) - you deserved it (1217)

On 09/10/2012 at 2:06am - misc - by NotJessePinkmanFFS (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML

#20000823
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24802) - you deserved it (1402)

On 08/03/2012 at 6:50pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

#19959612
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (2758)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm - health - by owwwww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had this amazing dream that a beautiful girl was giving me head. It was getting really hot, so in my dream, I reached down to push on her head, but in real life I actually swung my arm down and punched myself in the balls. FML

#19918073
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15537) - you deserved it (32893)

On 07/10/2012 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

#19814133
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28206) - you deserved it (2586)

On 06/19/2012 at 6:16pm - intimacy - by lisahb - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
343 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25786) - you deserved it (2929)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

#19124149
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (3737)

On 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm - intimacy - by Gavin - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML

#18945896
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13674) - you deserved it (38828)

On 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by brannie - United States

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

#18812557
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27138) - you deserved it (2762)

On 01/15/2012 at 4:00am - intimacy - by involuntary waxing - Canada (Alberta)



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