About tommyfox : I'm going to college to be a petroleum engineer, but until then I'm just bowling competitively, driving a pedicab, and being ruthlessly blunt.
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tommyfox's favorite FMLs
by Who1s269 / 05/03/2013 at 8:13am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I finally hooked up with the guy that I have been in love with forever. If there is such a thing as soul mates, this guy is it. He's my best friend in the whole world. It was the worst sex I have ever had. FML
Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML
by Anonymous / 04/16/2013 at 7:13pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 03/22/2013 at 7:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML
by meetrasan / 03/17/2013 at 8:01pm / Money
by lolk / 03/10/2013 at 3:41am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
Today, I got a new roommate after having a horrible relationship with the previous one. She seemed nice at first, until our first night together. She got completely wasted, spilled beer all over my bed and blew chunks into my fish tank. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 10:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
by normal / 01/21/2013 at 3:24pm / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
by Grant / 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by It was the 11 year old / 07/21/2012 at 4:00am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML
by why... / 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML
by lafinesse / 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm / Miscellaneous
- Today, my boyfriend and I were reminiscing and sharing funny stories of when we were little. It was… Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I… Today, my aunt borrowed my favorite shirt. Don't worry, she returned it. Complete with jizz stains.…