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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1979
  • Number of comments : 97
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About tomhofer : Moo moo moo moo. I am a cow.

tomhofer's page activity

Visits<b>ChromeThunder</b> - the 08/09/2016 at 11:01pm<b>bayboo411</b> - the 07/10/2016 at 3:05am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 04/10/2016 at 9:00pm<b>Dale_shackleford</b> - the 03/28/2016 at 1:09pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 03/10/2016 at 2:24pm<b>UrWaifuIsShit</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 8:47am<b>Aukrenchi</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 2:43pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 10:22am<b>MrsWinchester</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 2:11pm<b>Charlespaintin88</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 2:19am<b>Jazzyw1997</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 10:43am<b>deathscale500</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 10:41pm<b>cheesyfeet2001</b> - the 03/13/2015 at 3:53am<b>BananaSantos</b> - the 02/17/2015 at 8:23pm<b>OnlyAvailableID</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 1:41pm<b>laamjidkek</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 4:42am<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 9:11pm<b>duckyd199222</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 6:19am

tomhofer's FML badges

50 favourites

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Keen reader – Level: student ninja

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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tomhofer's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

by foreveralone / 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

by bear food / 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

by NotTellingYouMyName / 11/28/2013 at 1:26am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

by embarrassedmom / 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML

by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing / 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the park playing Frisbee with my friends, when I saw a boy sitting on a bench looking rather sad. "Hey!" I yelled, and he looked up at me. I lightly threw the Frisbee in his direction, and it hit him in the face. He was blind. FML

by WasntMe / 07/17/2013 at 7:15pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 6:17am / Germany (Berlin) / Work

Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML

by cjw / 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm / United States / Kids

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

by an idiot / 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm / Australia / Money

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm / Canada (Quebec) / Love

Today, my teenage son taught my five-year-old daughter how to fake her own death. I walked into the kitchen today to find her lying still on the floor, covered in ketchup. She laughed when I began to scream. FML

by Nightmare / 01/15/2013 at 9:41am / Kids

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

by wetsheets / 01/07/2013 at 8:01am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Love