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tomhl's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
tomhl's favorite FMLs
by hannieannie / 02/09/2016 at 4:51pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
by notagoodtime / 02/06/2016 at 3:52pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/05/2016 at 4:55am / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 7:43am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob. It felt like she was skinning my dick alive with her teeth. I had to pretend to finish myself off in the bathroom and tell her it was because I didn't want her to have to swallow. FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2015 at 10:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time when she noticed I only have one testicle. She immediately broke up with me, for she doesn't want her future sons to be gay because they'll only have half of their testosterone. FML
by Anonymous / 12/27/2015 at 11:46pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/26/2015 at 1:23pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/22/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend and I were trying to get it on on the bed. As soon as things were starting to get heated, I turned over and saw that my dog had not only jumped up on the bed, but had been watching and started to hump the pillow next to our heads. FML
by GiveADogABone / 10/15/2015 at 6:47pm / United States / Intimacy
by Thank God I Flush Them Down The Toilet / 09/25/2015 at 9:10pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/29/2015 at 7:01pm / United States (West Virginia) / Intimacy
by BrandonDrapeau / 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by Sad Mom / 07/24/2015 at 10:04pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Anonymous / 04/25/2015 at 1:32pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his hands. After two years of being together, he was finally about to make me orgasm for the first time by himself. Just as I was reaching my peak, he orgasmed at the thought of finishing me off and stopped. FML
by Highnapple / 03/04/2015 at 2:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…