toelie

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Offline (the 08/27/2016 at 1:55pm)

toelie

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2659
  • Number of comments : 198
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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toelie's page activity

Visits<b>jacob2580</b> - the 08/24/2016 at 4:25pm<b>AudiLover21</b> - the 08/03/2016 at 3:29pm<b>shelbs0910</b> - the 04/02/2016 at 9:46am<b>slim_immy</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 4:47am<b>C7</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 10:59pm<b>shanekicksass</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 2:36am<b>Spencyy</b> - the 10/03/2015 at 12:40am<b>dbpdp</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 5:12am<b>jpsullivan</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 1:34pm<b>samsessions99</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 3:59pm<b>ThisIsMyUsernam</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 10:08am<b>Countryboy6</b> - the 06/26/2015 at 7:48pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 2:59pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 5:42pm<b>Melharr</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 4:18pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 10:26pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 10:34am<b>totti180</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 9:30am

Fucked!<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 4:34pm

toelie's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

See all of toelie's badges

toelie's favorite FMLs

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

by cunning glassist / 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, I wanted to take a romantic bath with my boyfriend. I set up the candles and hot water, but I had to take a dump. After my business was done, I called him into the bath. He walks in, sniffs, glances at the toilet and leaves. Guess what I forgot to flush. FML

by TheMissMuffly / 07/31/2012 at 11:53am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

by Misky / 07/01/2012 at 10:51pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML

by MonCoiffeurAdoré / 06/27/2012 at 10:43pm / Miscellaneous

Today, the "My body is beautiful" t-shirt that my therapist gave me didn't fit. FML

by msassy / 05/18/2012 at 10:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

by rj / 05/12/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, it was my birthday. I was heading back to my apartment and I heard noises inside the door. Assuming it was the surprise party I'd hinted at, I flicked on the lights as two heavy guys pushed past me. I was robbed. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 8:28pm / United States / Money

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

by Anonymous / 05/08/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my ex, who I'm still in love with, emailed me. I thought she changed her mind about us, so I poured my heart out to her. She just wanted to let me know she has chlamydia, and advise me to go to the clinic. FML

by clinictime / 04/11/2012 at 7:05pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML

by jackmehoffa / 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML

by Anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 9:53am / Australia (Western Australia) / Transportation

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

by cachucy / 03/18/2012 at 11:04am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

by zztopspinner / 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm / United States / Miscellaneous