About toalysium : Just here to revel in others' misery. It's particularly awesome when it's caused by their own stupidity. I wish there was a "You suck at life." option for voting.
toalysium's FML badges
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
toalysium's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML
by birdfoooo / 11/29/2011 at 10:26am / United States / Transportation
Today, I tried to teach my dog tricks. Somehow, I thought it would be easier if I physically showed my dog how to roll, so I rolled on the floor in front of my dog. My sister recorded me and posted it on Facebook. Now everyone thinks I'm an idiot and my dog still can't roll. FML
by bonertoolong / 11/23/2011 at 3:19am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by religionbites621 / 11/22/2011 at 12:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
by ughh / 11/22/2011 at 8:22am / United States / Health
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
by furryballoon / 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
by Anonymous / 11/19/2011 at 2:08pm / United States / Love
by kaybax / 11/19/2011 at 6:42am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Love
by Aleial / 11/19/2011 at 3:20am / United States / Intimacy
by Yeoman / 11/19/2011 at 2:47am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love
Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML
by southernpride93 / 11/18/2011 at 10:26am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
by Anonymous / 11/18/2011 at 6:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by halloweed / 11/16/2011 at 12:27am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by lababy / 11/15/2011 at 12:20pm / United States / Intimacy
by Margo / 11/15/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
- Today, one of my year 9 students finished the test an hour early. He decided to spend the time by… Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked… Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone…