About tmbfan : Well, this is my profile. I check this app twice a day so if you message me expect a reply in a couple days.
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tmbfan's favorite FMLs
Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML
by kitty / 11/11/2012 at 5:10am / Australia / Animals
Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML
by Anonymous / 10/08/2012 at 1:31am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
by TheVirginJenny / 10/06/2012 at 8:05pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML
by Anonymous / 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, some thug tried to mug me. I panicked and ran. As they chased me with their knife out, I heard a slip and a shout behind me but kept running. Six blocks later I was spotted, arrested and held for questioning by the police. The mugger fell, stabbed themselves and told a cop that I did it. FML
by BobbyHutchinson / 10/20/2009 at 11:57am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous
by happybirthday / 03/24/2009 at 5:15pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way my mother says, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then asks, "Does he know that?" FML
by ThanksMa / 03/22/2009 at 3:45pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
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