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tique22's favorite FMLs
by kaynotentirelywrong / 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML
by AnnoyedByFriends / 08/08/2013 at 12:43am / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
by microlovin / 07/28/2013 at 3:45am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from the police. Apparently my son tried robbing a teenage couple, but wound up getting his ass beat by both of them. I don't know what's worse, that my 32-year-old son is a criminal, or that he got it handed to him by 15-year-olds. FML
by Parentalfailure / 07/22/2013 at 5:06pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I had a job interview at the local donut shop. It turns out I misunderstood the position, and that the job was actually to wear a donut costume and wave at cars outside the shop. I was told this after I got hired. FML
by sdeeter / 04/29/2013 at 9:39am / United States / Work
by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by parental failure / 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 1:57pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
Today, I was at work, photographing a baby boy. I grabbed a bench for him to use to hold himself upright. His mom asked if she should hold him instead, but I told her he'd be fine. Two seconds later, he fell backwards and brought the bench down on top of him. There goes my job. FML
by almost jobless / 07/11/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Work
by CierraJordan / 03/14/2012 at 7:31am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by 97 / 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by SpLo0gIeR / 02/13/2012 at 10:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Kevin / 02/13/2012 at 1:00am / United States / Love
- Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile… Today, I was messing with my boyfriend in my basement. We are both virgins and he wanted to perform… Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach…