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timotay89

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timotay89
  • Town/Country : Cranston, USA
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 526
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About timotay89 : Favorite TV show is Doctor Who.

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timotay89's favorite FMLs

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

#7080938
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9763) - you deserved it (14908)

On 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by FavreFan99 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

#6937557
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29023) - you deserved it (6666)

On 12/25/2009 at 11:15am - kids - by BathroomMuch (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

#6848786
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8135) - you deserved it (45581)

On 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm - misc - by Klamp18 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

#6779540
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22512) - you deserved it (5219)

On 12/16/2009 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

#6753336
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21166) - you deserved it (9081)

On 12/14/2009 at 5:24pm - intimacy - by Gassy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

#6683898
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6575) - you deserved it (31475)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

#6508177
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31188) - you deserved it (8530)

On 11/29/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by ? - United States

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

#6458973
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8338) - you deserved it (21622)

On 11/26/2009 at 4:22am - animals - by MouseChaser (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML

#6439665
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9682) - you deserved it (32404)

On 11/24/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by xkellybabyyx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

#6364949
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6627) - you deserved it (23826)

On 11/19/2009 at 2:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

#6302850
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6533) - you deserved it (65200)

On 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm - animals - by TheMichaelNixon - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

#6281731
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28806) - you deserved it (8095)

On 11/12/2009 at 11:19pm - kids - by snapped (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my son's teacher told me that I should take my son to the doctor, because he has been complaining of bad headaches. They ran some tests, and then removed a peanut that's apparently been lodged in his nose for months. FML

#5957039
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25067) - you deserved it (3692)

On 10/23/2009 at 10:06am - misc - by CarolinaD - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

#5791977
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42151) - you deserved it (9506)

On 10/12/2009 at 4:23am - misc - by worst (man) - Philippines (Quezon City)



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