timotay89

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timotay89

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1486
  • Number of comments : 12
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About timotay89 : Favorite TV show is Doctor Who.

timotay89's page activity

Visits<b>missa8604</b> - the 04/26/2016 at 7:39am<b>dontmindme7</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 11:18am<b>mineller</b> - the 02/02/2016 at 7:57am<b>kingshelly</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 6:11am<b>kaymo2</b> - the 08/25/2015 at 7:07am<b>melisssa87</b> - the 08/24/2015 at 2:37pm<b>manlytarts</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 5:44am<b>Marshmallowjello</b> - the 04/05/2015 at 9:30pm<b>els2010</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 6:45am<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 03/06/2015 at 11:19am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 12:11pm<b>boobear511</b> - the 12/02/2014 at 3:01pm<b>PicanteSeed</b> - the 10/20/2014 at 7:55am<b>wookieewhosshe</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 6:13pm<b>brookenicolee29</b> - the 10/01/2014 at 3:38pm<b>LilDuck17</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 2:12pm<b>animalover9</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 12:57pm<b>Prerogative</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 12:19pm

Fucked!<b>manlytarts</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 11:44am<b>Christine_Junmin</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 6:11pm

timotay89's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of timotay89's badges

timotay89's favorite FMLs

Today, I was on Facebook when I saw a link about what Pokémon would look like if they had genitals. I'm not quite sure why, but I decided to click it, and at that exact moment, my brother and his friend walked in. They told my mom I was looking at Pokémon porn. I'll never be able to live this down. FML

by grounded / 01/03/2010 at 11:40am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

by FavreFan99 / 01/01/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

by Klamp18 / 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML

by Anonymous / 12/16/2009 at 3:53pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

by Gassy / 12/14/2009 at 5:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I was attending a drug-free lecture at school. The speaker said, "There are many ways to quit smoking. You can try patches, gum, or even quitting cold turkey. Any questions?" I raised my hand, and she called on me. I asked, "How does cold turkey help?" And then I realized. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2009 at 7:53pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

by ? / 11/29/2009 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that as adorable as it might be to watch your cat follow your cursor around the screen, the humor ends when she dives into and breaks the monitor. FML

by MouseChaser / 11/26/2009 at 4:22am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML

by xkellybabyyx / 11/24/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 2:08am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

by TheMichaelNixon / 11/14/2009 at 4:37pm / United States (Tennessee) / Animals

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me if the tooth fairy was real. I said yes, and she said she wanted to try to catch her. Later, she pulled out a tooth and put it under her pillow. I came in to take out the tooth and replace it with money. There were mouse traps behind her pillow. FML

by snapped / 11/12/2009 at 11:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, my son's teacher told me that I should take my son to the doctor, because he has been complaining of bad headaches. They ran some tests, and then removed a peanut that's apparently been lodged in his nose for months. FML

by CarolinaD / 10/23/2009 at 10:06am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom said I was the worst of her 5 children. My IQ is 130, an honor student, I don't smoke, I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs. I'm the "worst" because I don't go to church every Sunday. FML

by worst / 10/12/2009 at 4:23am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous