About thiswhitey : Hi (: I don't message people too often on fml because I'm not on it too often and there is no notification. If you want to talk I'm open, but just warning you, I may not reply for days.
thiswhitey's FML badges
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
thiswhitey's favorite FMLs
Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML
by SadAndDeaf / 09/02/2014 at 7:38pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 5:29pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 4:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Roy Lawson / 06/25/2014 at 8:19pm / United States (California) / Health
by PsychoBillyGoat / 05/25/2014 at 8:47pm / United States (Alaska) / Animals
Today, I woke up and stumbled over to my window to soak up some morning sunshine. The sunshine was lovely; the sight of my elderly neighbour doing some kind of nude yoga in his backyard certainly was not. FML
by fucking hell my eyes burn / 05/23/2014 at 6:46pm / Germany / Intimacy
Today, I asked my 7-year-old daughter what job she would like when she grows up. She calmly replied that she wouldn't have one; she'd just bring her husband round to my place and steal food from me. FML
by her mom raised her / 05/17/2014 at 1:30pm / Mexico / Kids
Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML
by toilet_trouble / 04/19/2014 at 3:44am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of being on anti-depression medication and feeling very little emotionally, I finally felt some joy. Sadly it was from completely crushing my husband in an argument he started, where he claimed ketchup is a vegetable. FML
by Anonymous / 04/08/2014 at 12:07pm / Italy (Veneto) / Miscellaneous
by testacular / 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm / United Kingdom (Plymouth) / Intimacy
Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML
by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by are you kidding me? / 03/10/2014 at 4:22am / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of…
- Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up… Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying.… Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was…