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thisguy22's favorite FMLs
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health
by unloved cat owner / 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm / United States / Love
Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML
by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 8:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML
Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML
by Evolution mama / 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML
by Anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm / United States (New York) / Health
by DeeDee / 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML
by Sleepless / 02/03/2014 at 8:29am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by Pooper scooper / 01/28/2014 at 3:22am / Guam / Animals
by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 7:33pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML
by fail / 01/19/2014 at 3:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by jseid2 / 01/15/2014 at 12:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML
by ShelterForTheHomless / 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous