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thisguy22's favorite FMLs
Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML
by dammit hearing aid / 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm / United States (Iowa) / Work
Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML
by ADanceWithDavos / 07/07/2014 at 11:59am / United Kingdom / Animals
by carebear1228 / 07/01/2014 at 1:31pm / United States (California) / Love
by beccadabeast / 06/30/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
by Anonymous / 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Animals
by lrn2road / 06/24/2014 at 11:04am / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
by ldrik1 / 06/11/2014 at 4:36pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML
by Un1ucky / 06/07/2014 at 11:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML
by lahiros / 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love
Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML
by oh god. / 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by unlovedmommy / 05/08/2014 at 5:49pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I read that egg whites make a good hair treatment. Everything was going fine until, without thinking, I turned the hot water on to wash it out. I'm still picking the cooked egg out of my hair. FML
by EggHead / 05/03/2014 at 12:57am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
by Anonymous / 04/30/2014 at 1:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
by caught out / 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, I thought it would be a cool idea to watch a large mosquito suck the blood from my left arm.… Today, I got home from a double shift to find my husband in bed with my sister. Also, I found out I… Today, I got bitched at for 6 hours on a roadtrip by my mother. I asked her not to smoke while my 4…