About thefastnfuryass : "I won nothing!"
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thefastnfuryass's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 12:37pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Intimacy
by sadlysingle / 02/21/2014 at 3:04am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by begging for air / 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was doing a science presentation about glucose. There was around 20 judges at the event who could've judged me, but instead I got judged by the only person in the whole entire world who doesn't know what glucose is and doesn't think it exists. FML
by anonymous / 02/20/2014 at 12:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
by sarad206 / 02/19/2014 at 4:09pm / United States / Work
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health
by bruisedandconfused / 02/16/2014 at 5:47pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, I was driving through the mountains and there was a chain requirement. I went to put them on and found a note where my chains used to be saying, "Have fun in a blizzard now bitch" from my ex. FML
by snowlover / 02/16/2014 at 2:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by fuck you right back, cockspit / 02/14/2014 at 4:23pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm / United States / Love
Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals
Today, I walked into my house with a couple of friends and I saw my girlfriend doing laundry. I jokingly asked her if she had time to do a load of mine as well. She scoffed and said, "Yeah babe, I'll gladly do your laundry... The same day you learn to wipe properly." FML
Today, during an important exam, I had a huge panic attack and had to run out of the exam hall. Everyone saw me, and now everywhere I go, people keep pretending to have a panic attack and run away from me. I have to spend two more years with these assholes. FML
by mrosewrosem / 02/13/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML
by aireeahna / 02/12/2014 at 2:43pm / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
- Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her… Today, I can't seem to get a job after going for more than 20 interviews over the last two months.…