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thefastnfuryass's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by off to the whorehouse, then / 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove) / Intimacy
Today, as I walked out the door to head to class, my neighbour's kid threw a balloon at me, filled with some kind of foul-smelling liquid that he calls "liquid ass". I had a presentation 20 minutes later and couldn't get the smell off myself in time. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 1:15pm / Japan (Hyogo) / Kids
by phantomthelabrat / 03/31/2014 at 8:24am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to take the train from my hometown to my university for a very important meeting concerning my foreign exchange program. When I finally arrived, I noticed a Post-it on the door: "Meeting cancelled, sick". I basically made a 9-hour day-trip for a half-an-hour walk. FML
by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 7:49am / Netherlands (Zeeland) / Miscellaneous
by notamum / 03/28/2014 at 10:07pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm in Venice for a romantic weekend. While I was gushing about the gondolas, canals and the city of love in general, the only thing my boyfriend could say was, "Wow! How cool is it to be on the set of the Tomb Raider movie?" FML
Today, I was sitting in the coffee shop where my boyfriend and I used to go before he broke up with me about a week ago. I was missing him and wishing he was there, when all of a sudden this 14-year-old kid comes up to me and says, "He's not coming, you may as well go home." FML
by Anonymous / 03/27/2014 at 7:03pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
by bonbon789 / 03/27/2014 at 2:10pm / United States / Health
Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML
by Punphmelch / 03/26/2014 at 4:45am / Australia (South Australia) / Animals
by disappointed / 03/25/2014 at 7:36am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous
by Gibsonsgfreak21 / 03/25/2014 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at Walmart and had to use the bathroom. I sat down and farted real loud. I didn't realize someone was in there with me until I heard a voice say, "Dude, that was a good one." It was a man's voice. I then realized I was in the men's restroom. FML
by dani / 03/24/2014 at 11:39pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by AsianSweets / 03/24/2014 at 11:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by pantyripper / 03/24/2014 at 8:39am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…