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thefastnfuryass's favorite FMLs
by Amy (grossed out) / 04/27/2014 at 9:43am / Australia (South Australia) / Love
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML
by caught out / 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work
Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2014 at 11:30am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, on a train, I nearly choked while sleeping with my mouth wide open. The little old lady sitting opposite me was entertaining herself by throwing little pieces of balled-up tin foil into my mouth. FML
by Anonyme / 04/24/2014 at 2:57am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Transportation
by Almost_Homeless / 04/23/2014 at 8:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my teen son gave me the completed manuscript of the novel he's been working on for 4 years. Surprised and excited that he showed so much dedication to something, I volunteered to read it. I'm only on page 16 and it's absolute drivel, with grammar that makes my eyes bleed. Only 281 pages to go. FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2014 at 3:17am / United States (South Dakota) / Kids
by tothebaneofkings / 04/23/2014 at 12:20am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finished building a porch I've worked hard on for the past 2 weeks, and I was very proud on how amazing it turned out. Within 20 minutes of it being completed, my pregnant dog decided to crawl underneath it to have her puppies. I had to take half the porch apart to get to her and them. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2014 at 10:46pm / United States / Animals
Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML
by flufee2 / 04/22/2014 at 10:40pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML
by only my life / 04/22/2014 at 6:21pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 04/22/2014 at 11:26am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous
by sexual parrot / 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm / Intimacy
by Taylor / 04/21/2014 at 12:04am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy
by HeyTherexxx / 04/20/2014 at 9:02pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to be nice and pay a visit to my grandma. We ended up playing Scrabble. In between passing wind that smelled like rotting eggs, she kept playing the filthiest words she could, and yelled at me whenever I checked to see if they were in the Scrabble dictionary. FML
by Anonymous / 04/20/2014 at 5:38pm / Slovenia (Domzale Commune) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I took the biggest shit ever. Problem: I'm in Thailand where the sewage system really sucks,… Today, my dad's arachnophobia has gotten so severe to the point that he suggested burning down our… Today, I was minding my own business, when I decided to read in the living room. My father began to…
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, I went to the Eiffel Tower with my boyfriend. We’d been talking about getting married for a…